


Moving Anxiety

by ClaireOShea, rosey_rose, Uncle_Salchow



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Collaboration, Fluff and Angst, IMTHEKINGJJ, M/M, Postep12, VictUuri, Yoi - Freeform, Yurionice, firstfic, icegays, myson, sorryforoccness, victorisspelledviktor, whysomanytagsbruh, yoaionice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 17:45:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9452861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClaireOShea/pseuds/ClaireOShea, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosey_rose/pseuds/rosey_rose, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Uncle_Salchow/pseuds/Uncle_Salchow
Summary: After the huge move from Japan to Russia, Yuri had been having some homesickness. Instead of telling Viktor like he should have he waited until it grew into anxiety. Even then he didn't say anything for fear of damaging their relationship. Until it becomes to much and when home alone Yuri breaks apart.Lol hi, this is my first fic so... thanks to you people mentioned below:My lovely co-authors, ClaireOShea, who helped with most of the dialogue and grammar. (Go check her out!)The awesome rose_chan who proofread everything and deemed it okay. (Go check her out as well!)





	

Yesterday was a rough night, even more so than the past few weeks have been. I was nervous about the big move from Japan to Russia. Russia was a beautiful place, a very nice place actually, but my family and quite a few of my friends were still in Japan. My family was a five, almost six hour, plane trip away. Much further away than I prefered. 

I may have stayed away for well about 5 years when I trained in Detroit, but that felt different. That was for training and I was with a friend, but this time I’m with my fiance and I’m starting a life with him. Not to mention that my fiance just happened to be Viktor Nikiforov. Viktor Nikiforov, 5 time Grand Prix Final gold medalist. He was known as a god on the ice, and he was my fiance. My future husband, provided nothing detrimental to our relationship happened. 

I was nervous and I had all rights to be. The fact that anything could happen to our relationship at anytime and with Viktor’s flirtatious nature, a language I knew next to nothing in anything could be said that I wouldn’t understand. Not to mention us still having to practice and keep in shape for skating and with Viktor being my coach still. None of this was helpful, in any way, shape, or form. 

I laid in the bed Viktor and I shared and thought about last night more in depth. I had been feeling a little homesick so I decided to called my mother. We talked for a good hour, most of it me just listening until a response was expected from me. It helped a bit, hearing her voice and Mari and my father’s sometimes audible in the background. When we had to say our goodbyes and hang up, the homesick hole in my chest returned as I sat on my side of the bed, waiting for Viktor to come in for the night. I didn’t sleep much that night, the first half I was tossing around trying not to disturb Viktor while getting into a comfortable sleeping position. The second half resulting in me being up most of the night due to my mind overthinking things.

I couldn’t stop thinking about all the times I could have messed up with him. What words could have been said wrong. What actions I could have done that would have backfired on me. My biggest mess up could have been the night after the short program, when I made Viktor cry when I told him I was retiring. How badly would I have hurt him had I gone through with it? It was things like that which didn’t allow me to sleep until almost three in the morning.

With a quiet sigh, I rolled over onto my left side, maybe a little too far as I rolled off the bed with a loud thud. Makkachin lifted his head from the bed, his collar jingling as if to see if I was alright. I stood up, slightly sore, but it was nothing I couldn’t manage. 

“Ow,” I muttered while regaining my bearings. A hit to the head, no matter how hard or light, can still mess those up, and it’s not too pleasant a feeling to have blurry vision and the world start to spin. The fact that my glasses were on a nightstand on the other side of the bed certainly didn’t help me much. I checked the face of the digital clock, the lights displaying it was quarter past nine in the morning. 

“It’s only 9:15?” I questioned while I navigated my way around to the other side of the bed to retrieve my glasses, feeling like it should be later. I put them on, the world finally coming into focus for first time that morning. I still felt groggy though, considering I was still up long after Viktor had fallen asleep.

“Viktor?” I called out as I walked to the kitchen shivering a bit at the cold tiles under my bare feet as I looked around for my fiance who didn’t seem to be in the quiet apartment we shared. I look around the kitchen before the smell of coffee reached me, it was then I noticed that the pot was still half full. On the nearby counter there was a piece of paper with handwriting that I’d come to know very well.

‘добрым утром my Yuri,  
I’ve gone out for a bit to do some errands. I would have woken you up but you were sound asleep and I didn’t want to disturb my delicious katsudon from his slumber. There’s some coffee left in the pot that should still be warm if you get up soon. I also made some omelets that are in the fridge if you’d like any. They have chives and olives, just how you like them. I should be back around 10 AM.

P.S I walked Makkachin before I left.’ 

The note read, Viktor’s signature at the bottom the paper. It was messier than it usually was, but he was probably in a rush. He doesn’t bother the time with his nice and formal signature on tiny notes like this like he does with various pictures and posters for fans. I have two posters with his signature on it, so I would know. I opened the fridge to see the omelets just how I liked them as Viktor’s note said. I took the omelets out of the fridge and set them on the counter before I opened the cupboard, reaching for a mug to get myself some coffee. 

Needing the pick-me-up, I dumped the remaining amount of coffee into my mug all at once, as opposed to picking at it through the morning like usual. Last night was the worst sleep I’ve gotten probably ever, with the exceptions of when I was extremely sick. I couldn’t pinpoint what had caused it the anxiety of being in Russia, being homesick, or both. If I was, would Viktor notice? 

‘I must be over thinking…’ I thought, shaking my head after to clear it of negative thoughts so I could focus on my breakfast. Suddenly, my heart started to race and a knot formed in the pit of my stomach, nausea beginning to set in. Oh no… My breakfast quickly became my last worry. I stumbled to find a seat before I got dizzy, I needed to talk with someone and Viktor was out of the question.

“Mom,” I muttered to myself, quickly reaching for the nearest phone, which happened to be the landline. In the past whenever I’ve felt this way, a short talk with my mom, or even my dad, was able to calm me down. Here’s to hoping that she answers. I watched my hand to see if it started to shake as the phone rang. 

Ring, ring, ring. 

No answer. When I got her voicemail, the knot seemed to have tightened and my throat felt like it was closing. Suddenly, I could breathe. The air was coming in just fine, but I couldn’t release it. When I hung up the phone, my hand continued to shake, but even more rapidly than before. I started to sweat.The slightly chilled apartment air was only causing me to shiver and shake more and didn’t do much to help with what just might be a heat flash.

‘Breathe Yuri,’ I had to remind myself as I stumbled to a chair, waiting for the pain and unease to subside as I tried calming down my breathing. No luck. 

After a moment of waiting for the discomfort to go away, clutching my stomach in hopes that it would help. I thought it might be over until I gritted my teeth at the second wave of nausea and some pain which caused me to double over a bit. Slowly I had gotten up and stumbled towards the bathroom. When I got there, a wave of dizziness hit me like a bag of bricks causing me to grab onto the bathroom sink to stabilize myself, I knocked over an assortment of toiletries in the process. The noise it made didn’t do my now spinning head any favors. I managed to make it to the toilet bowl, sitting by it since the knot in my stomach hurt now more than ever. I felt like I was going to be sick. 

I thought I could hear footsteps rushing down the hallway just outside the bathroom, where I currently was. I was almost certain that I heard my name being called. The footsteps quickly reached me and I gripped the edge of the toilet seat as I began to dry heave. 

“Oh Yuri, what’s happened to you?” Viktor questioned, the worry quite evident in his tone.”Was the meat in the pirozhki last night undercooked?” I was unable to speak due the ache in my throat, the bile that had come up had brought a stinging sensation mixed with the tightness from earlier. After leaning back away from the bowl feeling light headed still, I shook my head to answer while avoiding his gaze, instead looking at my hand. It had been shaking so much that I surely would have dropped anything I tried to grasp. 

“You look like an absolute wreck,” he pointed out, almost starting to chuckle, stopping soon after one had slipped out. “Let’s clean you up,” he said, moving away from me to dig through the cabinets, finding a small paper and a wash cloth. 

“Do you feel another wave coming up or are you done with the dry heaves?” Viktor threw another question in my direction. He was most likely asking because making an effort to clean up my face only for me to mess it up again would be counterproductive. I shook my head in response, not even thinking that I had any left in me to hack up. 

“Here, take this and use it to help get that taste out of your mouth and then use this to wipe your face off,” he instructed me as he shoved the now mostly full paper cup and the small blue towel into my hands. I nodded my head in gratitude and followed the orders. I had to use both of my hands just to keep the cup from spilling. I still felt the knot of unease in my stomach, but it had thankfully begun to weaken in strength. 

“If it was the pirozhki, you’d be here with me,” I attempted to crack a joke to lighten the air but I had a feeling that it wasn’t very effective. Viktor was too concerned about my well being to find a joke about sickness very funny. 

“Did you have an anxiety attack?” Viktor further questioned, repositioning himself to make eye contact with me. I looked down to the tiled floor, nodding my head ever so slightly. 

“That’s the third one this week, something really must be going on,” he continued on, as he became even more concerned than he had been before, if such a thing was possible. “Is something going on that you need to talk about? What were you doing or thinking about before this happened?” 

“Well…” I trailed off, not the most sure of where to even start. There were quite a few different things that had been going around in my head before my anxiety became overpowering. I tried to string all my thoughts into a coherent phrase, but it was to be a difficult task. “I-I’ve just been overthinking things as of late, maybe more than I should,” I finished folding the now empty paper cup, having done so to give my still shaky hands something to do.

“Thinking about what exactly?” Viktor continued on with questioning me. I hoped this wouldn’t escalate into an interrogation session. 

“A lot of things, but I’m a bit homesick really,” I answered, not being dishonest. It was true, I was quite a bit homesick, but that was only the tip of the iceberg when it came to the things that were acting as stressors to my anxiety. “When I was in Detroit with Phichit it felt… Different. I was with a friend merely practicing and it was fairly easy to talk with my family. It’s just harder here and my only purpose for being here isn’t for practicing but rather to start a whole new part of my life. A new part of my life, with you.” I swallowed down the lump forming in my throat as I stole a quick upward glance of a worried Viktor.

“I know we have busy schedules and that it really must be hard for you, this great change,” Viktor went on in attempts to comfort me, even pulling me into an embrace. “If any time during practice you need to take a quick break to phone home just let me know and it’ll be cool.” 

“Thanks,” I said, the words muffled by the brown fabric of his jacket. “I’m also afraid of losing you,” I confessed, feeling as if I was about to start crying. 

“Oh Yuri,” he muttered, he himself now starting to sound like he was sad. Oh no, this is something I was afraid of. 

“I’m afraid that I’ll say or do something wrong and I’ll hurt you,” I further elaborated, a couple tears starting to roll down my cheeks. “I don’t want to see you cry again.” 

“I can’t promise you that I won’t cry, but even if you do make me shed a tear, you’re not going to be able to get rid of me,” Viktor said, a quick glance at his face showing that he seemed to be on the verge of tears as well. I was merely one step ahead of him in that respect. I sniffled, wiping my eyes and pushed my glasses up before I tried to catch one of my many thoughts that have been buzzing around in my head.

“I just don’t,” I began inhaling shakily as my words caught in my throat “I don’t want to ruin what we have… Being with you right here, it’s more than dream come true.” I paused trying to gather my strength to continue “And I don’t want me to be the cause of us being dragged down,” I finished, desperately trying to swallow the lump in my throat. I felt Viktor pull me closer to him, one arm around my waist and the other wiping the tears that decided to start falling again. I was sure that tears of his own would start to fall any time now. 

“Yuri, there’s nothing you could do to get me to leave you,” he continued to attempt to reassure me. My imagination wasn’t having it though, running loops to find a loophole to his statement. What would happen if I did this, this, or that? Sometimes I really did hate my mind and its unwillingness to take people at their word with things like this. “The way I felt after the banquet at Sochi and before I went to Hasetsu is not something I want to feel again. Leaving you would be denying myself something I need. I love you too much to let you go”

“I love you too, Viktor,” I said, leaning against him. We were still on the bathroom floor and I didn't think either of us really cared at that moment in time. Getting my anxieties off my chest then having the most wonderful man in the world be so understanding and reassuring made me feel a lot better. We were on this rollercoaster called life together and I couldn't imagine anyone else that I would have wanted to join me on this wild ride.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations 
> 
> добрым утром - Good Morning


End file.
